WWW- The introduction is very promising and raises a brilliant question, but you then don't go on to discuss it.
EBI -No where near enough research/ footnotes. This will keep you below level 3
- There is a lack of depth to you analysis and you repeat many points
- You need to find some quality research and build 2/3 paragraphs around theory/ discuss what others are saying.
- The textual analysis describes scenes to me, it doesn't analysis.
- Most importantly, you must discuss the impact on society.
- Most importantly, you must discuss the impact on society.
2) In my second draft i am aiming for a low level 3 because i think if i make all the improvements which i have been told to, i should achieve a low level 3.
3) The five things which i will change in my second draft will be:
- Write 2 paragraphs on theory and people views. So i can add the audience and gender theory as it will allow me to link it to my production.
- Make sure that i am analysing not describing the scenes. I will have to make sure i am explaining the impact of the scene.
- Add 1 paragraph about the impact on society.
- Carry out much more detailed research, find some very good quotes which fit with my critical investigation. Add at-least 10 more quotes to the essay so that i can move up a level.
- Make sure i am not wasting words by repeating myself, so i will have to proof read the essay like a few times to make sure i am not repeating myself.
- Write 2 paragraphs on theory and people views. So i can add the audience and gender theory as it will allow me to link it to my production.
- Make sure that i am analysing not describing the scenes. I will have to make sure i am explaining the impact of the scene.
- Add 1 paragraph about the impact on society.
- Carry out much more detailed research, find some very good quotes which fit with my critical investigation. Add at-least 10 more quotes to the essay so that i can move up a level.
- Make sure i am not wasting words by repeating myself, so i will have to proof read the essay like a few times to make sure i am not repeating myself.
4) Wish list:
From the BFI trip i want to gain some good detailed research and some quotes which i can put into my essay.
I want to gain some knowledge on some new theories which i can fit in my essay.
Finally, i want to get at-least one quote out of 3 books, which will help me improve my level in my second draft.
Book:
From the BFI trip i want to gain some good detailed research and some quotes which i can put into my essay.
I want to gain some knowledge on some new theories which i can fit in my essay.
Finally, i want to get at-least one quote out of 3 books, which will help me improve my level in my second draft.
Book:
Masculinity in the Contemporary Romantic Comedy: Gender as Genre
Theories:
Alvarado
